Owing to unforeseen circumstances, Mrs Grimbottom is a little late with this month’s entry.

She is aware that that statement is the oldest astrology joke in the universe; Pliny the Elder is said to have bored just about everyone in Pompeii with it through the reigns of at least three emperors.

TAURUS (21st April to 20th May)

Your robust and characteristically selfish and insensitive approach to life means you can insult people with a clear conscience and still enjoy nursing a feeling of genuine hurt when they bite back.

Adolescent male Taureans are the most toxic sub-species of humanity; they enjoy displays of crude behaviour, especially the production of noises associated with the digestive tract.

Tediously cheerful and blessed with a talent for cheesy geniality, Taureans often develop into the louder sort of back-slapping idiot and share the narrowly prejudiced and coercive politics of Capricornians.

If they rise on the corporate ladder, it’s because of a penchant for bullying rather than for genuine ability.

This month, Taureans will find Pisceans more than usually annoying. Give serious consideration to stopping that habit of trotting out those corny old jokes everyone’s heard a couple of dozen times; it won’t make you happier, but life will be a little more peaceful and less embarrassing for everyone else.